Rain, Shine or Snow-Play Ball!

It's been rainy and cold around here for several days, and I see the role that the weather has been playing in my most recent emotional roller coaster ride. If only it were that simple to blame the outcome of your day on the weather, aside from being caught in a tsunami or flood I just don't get it.
My mom is always a bitch whenever the pressure changes, in fact, the mere suggestion of a Chinook and this lady goes from saint(ish) to full out she-devil.
Grandma's knees ache when the weather is about to change, she is also an avid yoga-enthusiast, and from my understanding is over the age of sixty.
I on the other hand tend to blame the weather for cancelled picnics, river floats and outdoor concerts.
I wish that the weather could take the blame for all of the anxiety and restlessness in my life, instead I figure that it has to due with the random combination of the following instigators:

1) Occupation: I am a waiter-and yes I know that waiters are always artists of some sort, writers, singers, models, painters and unquestionably all actors. This job provides instant cash in hand, hilarious stories, an appreciation for the entire hospitality industry from cab drivers to strippers and countless opportunities to sell out and smile in the face of ignorance.
If i had a dollar, hell I would take ten percent of the amount, for every time I stood there, grinning like a complete idiot while Mr and Mrs Needy Cheapo patronized me. Initially most servers tend to develop a thick skin, and the ability to fully objectify themselves. Sadly, for most, the inevitable always sets in, " I fucking cannot do this motherfucking job for one more fucking minute." This can be a great if you are in the backstage area, in the walk-in cooler, or outside chain smoking with a friend stuck in the same job. What is going to be the outcome when I can feel this next "episode" about to happen several times per shift while on the floor and guest-side at the table? Strike One.

2) Caffeine: I need it to cure hangovers, snap out of being stoned, wake up, stay up, have the strength to pretend that i am energetic-basically I am in need of this shit to survive. Some people are addicted to Tim Hortons, and lovingly (sickeningly) refer to it as "Timmies" like for some reason this place should seem as familiar a place as a dear friend, or enemy depending on your feelings towards adding "immie" to the poor sob named Kim or Jim. (sorry your parents did that to you.) I, for one like to spread my coffee loving cash around, throw it at starbucks one day, good earth the next, it's all the same to me after I finish adding the raw sugar, honey and milk. The crash from this drug is unlike any other, mood swing, fatigue, loss of concentration-and the worst, headaches. Caffeine is the most threatening of the drugs out there folks, and they are selling it 24 hours a day, on every corner in the city. Another Swing and a Miss.

3) Alcohol, Marijuana, Cigarettes: I lump these three together in the same way my mother used to punish me and my two younger brothers for fear of having to actually figure out who was lying, who had done it and who was probably already the victim of said attack or ploy. I don't want to actually sit back and wonder which one is doing the most damage, as seemingly I love them all, and although at times have abandoned them each momentarily, I was never able to rid myself of all three in the same attempt. Take away my ipod, dvds and cell phone, but for God sakes, leave the joint, red wine and pack of camels with me.... we belong together on a very sick and twisted level. I didn't really accept any kind of blame here with these three, but there are several issues here, lets call this one a near-swing, but it was a ball. "Good eye Champ."

4) Boys. Grrr. If "grrr" didn't read like a prissy faced fifteen year old girl with braces and freckles that just found out that the "love of her life" had already asked Suzie Homewrecker to the spring fling dance at the local community centre. Borderline run-on there, hard for the eyes to focus... I am sorry.
I wish that finding someone to actually develop a relationship with wasn't such a fucking mystery. Just when you think "this is the one", they pull some bullshit stunt that brings you right back. Over the past few months I have had the privilege to have felt insecure, unworthy and confused by several men. I haven't gone and thrown the towel in on finding someone who isn't lacking brains, emotional awareness, or social skills. Why do I feel the need to employ such extremes when it comes to dealing with "problem" relationships with "poison" people? What kind of that process afforded me such unwilling compromise? If it's all just "in my head" why do my hands get weak, stomach turn and heart race? I often wonder if I am just attracted to these people because they are nothing but more exciting conductors for the roller-coaster, it's clearly shift work at the Ryan Amusement Park. Strike Three.
"You'll get 'em next time sport."

Curtain call, take your bow-it's a standing ovation.
Backstage, behind closed doors lie your true motivation.
I was distracted when the opprotunity to enter or exit stage right knocked, and missed my cue.
It was opening night, the critics had arrived, witnessed and published each view.
Depending on what paper you grab it could be a bomb box-office smash. "Predictible, Pathetic, Tragic and Funny but Lame."
I read the captions flipping the page refusing to take blame.
You looked at me- contact now eye to eye
and I starred back trying to figure out who was fueling the lie...
Dialogue distracting from the reality in this mid-spring play.
History says that in this spotlight I should not stay.
Stay where I was excited and ignoring the abounding fear.
Then I remembered that you were a series of characters made up of smoke and mirror.
And while we're at it, lets get back to the script:
intelligent, yes! But defenseless to a witty quip.
Thinking about it, I wonder if this came to you as a blow,
but if i am going to feel alone, I'd rather it in a one man show.
You probably think this is about you, and it was your plot twist to choose.
But I'm the one backstage, pulling the strings and the show's all you kid, I'll withhold my reviews.

It looks like snow outside my window.... thankfully I can sleep in again tomorrow.