Thursday, September 16, 2010

for all the sheep i quit counting...

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Some days felt like the whole world was on my case. My dreams were suspended, and it was as though I had forgotten all that I had made of myself.
Bouncing between uncertain reality, fantasy and a list of what ifs--I was a mess.
When you start to boil yourself down, it can quicky turn into a downward self-depricating swirl down the drain. I exhausted myself, and was on the verge of a total self destruction. I recognized all of the signs, I had been there before.

Fuck You Rev O

Well, well.
If the saint of the modern day collesium hasn't struck again.

This time she and John Travolta closet case are abducting three-hundred people to Austraila (the country of convicts).
With only one season left to infiltrate every living room in North America with "The Oprah Winfrey Show", the cult leader of Harpo Productions is surely pulling out all the stops.

If being President Obama's backbone wasn't enough, now she is attempting to be an international ambassador... just waiting for the crazy bitch to announce her intentions to become the first female president of the America. Expect it.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

if you really knew me 6.0

If you really knew me, you'd know;

-I don't enjoy scary movies, but have cringed and closed my eyes to appease the mister.

-I am once again in the middle of a big change.

-I often wonder if my house is haunted.

-I drink eight glasses of water a day. (still from the water bottle that came to me by way of a moonlight requisition at a reception)

-I am planning a chili cook off against the roomie. (she has no idea)

-I am wondering what's next?

-I recently visited Vancouver Island and fell in love. (again)

-I have come to terms that I really have no idea why I am here. (in front of this computer, in Calgary, in Canada, on this planet)

-I wonder if the marijuana has anything to do with my panic

-I have learned how to rebuild my own computer (thanks to a partner in crime)

-I feel like feeding my appetite for vengeance.

-I recognize the tenancy of that requiring an "I do what I want" campaign, and promise to tone it down.

-I am used to being told to tone it down about one thing of another.

-I often wonder about a lot of people lately, and feel a letter writing storm on the horizon.

-I am currently more concerned with who will show up at the VMAs this year than who will be voted the next mayor of this godforsaken city.

-Last night, I had a terrifying dream involving a mermaid, being forced to quit smoking and a burlesque girl.

The breakup

After dealing with one of the dumbest, most senseless, insecure excuse for a woman for six months; it's over. To say I was asked to leave would be a lie, the hatred was immediate and thoughts of vengeance raced through my mind hours prior. The relationship had soured sometime in May. Could it be explained by her inability to listen? She stopped returning phone calls and texts, ignoring emails and disappearing before I arrived. She is a manipulative liar; her twelve years my senior left a dozen birthday wishes for her to finally lose her conscience. I guess at 38, the wish came true.

The starlet once told me "even if you can see the train coming, it still hurts when it hits ya"; and she was right.

I knew for a few months that there was a case being built against me. I had already come to terms with fact that she wanted more control and I was in her way. Her motives were obvious, ever since she was caught hiding facts about the sale of the business. Her lies were spread around the room combined with fake smiles, less than charming words of support and backstabbing manipulations. She had everything that she wanted, but she needed more. Inept decisions, emotionally driven desperate grasps at success and a very obvious premature midlife crisis were her legacy thus far.

In any case, it stung; it really did. I left for vacation the morning after the axe, and pushed aside the feeling of banishment. I have just begun to look back on it all, knowing I should look forward.

So, what's next Mr. Duncan? What's next...