Open Letter To The Kingdom

Friends, Lovers and Jayson Therrien,

It’s a harsh reality. And I am sure that along with me, none of you saw it coming, 86 Ryan Duncan.
Apparently the horseshoe up my ass ran out of luck, or the patience from management ran out of steam. In any case, after apparently suggesting that I was not pleased with a guest through the subliminal art of body language, I was suspended until Dean returns. I felt that was unfair, and made the decision to bust a move out of there…. It was obvious in KB’s tone that I was done for.

I am disappointed that out of all the things I could have been fired for, it was a misconception from a senile old coot.
Really, there should have been fireworks, cirque dancers, a few flipped tables and one giant “Bitch Please” at the next Thomas Crook (not a typo) table.
Or, I could have showed up wasted out of my tree, thrown up on a family of foreigners mid table service, and politely picked a fight when they refused to tip me.

It is my sad duty to inform you that this is not Hollywood, and there can be no take two. I am embarrassed and ashamed of fragment of “Duncanism” that ended up being the final straw. If my life were a movie, I would have gone back in time, bitch slapped the old bugger, grabbed his Bombay martini, thrown it back, climbed onto table 7, produced a megaphone and start to call out each and every one of the guests in sight. I am sorry to have disappointed you all. ;)

Truth be told, I really enjoyed my time working with this team. My only apprehension sticks to the bonds that I have made with you. Thanks for putting up with me, laughing at the inappropriate comments, encouraging the “Duncanese” dialect that I used with guests and most importantly for not launching a class action lawsuit for sexual assault. I am sorry that I never got to tell you the truth; I am straight. I can’t get enough of women. In fact, I am currently also cruising ‘plenty of fish’ for suitable sluts to bang.

Alas, an enchanted era ended.
Keep in touch.


ps- in the great words of Tim Rice; made famous by Elaine Paige, Patti Lupone and Madonna. “Don’t cry for me Argentina”.

pps- you are Argentina.