Alarm Setting/Stages

I have several alarms set for the morning.
It's been a long time since I have set an alarm to awake myself in the morning. And I guess that could very well be a sign of how much I have been looking out for number one lately. Earlier this evening that concept came to my head. I am not doing things wrong, but I am certainly not doing things right either.
A friend recently schooled me on "relationship red flags". I didn't realize that I ought to be applying them to all relationships, not just the ones of a romantic nature.
Ahh, Romance. How I miss thee. I haven't felt that emotion in such a very long time. I had nearly forgotten. Then every fucking love song on the regulated Steak Palace playlist seemingly started to apply to my current situations....
I don't feel respected by him. Or trusted for that matter. I feel depleted and empty on account of him. I am not "Ryan" when I am alone with him. I don't even say those mean things, think those thoughts, or even utter a curse when he is not around. I am not funny when alone with him. I don't feel smart, or even talented if he is looking back at me... in the mirror. It's my relationship with myself that really needs work. The state of the union with the kid is just an extension of that. If I respected myself, appreciated my own capabilities and believed in my own talents there is no way I would be volunteering myself to such damnation.
The pumps are running out of gas while Bronco and his stablemates unveil a 25 million dollar footbridge. A piece of steel falls from the sky and instantly takes the life of a toddler metres away from the crown jewel monument. Stages are collapsing, and I often wonder if mine should be next. I've been directing (misplacing) the blame for a while now. Sure, there have been times where I wasn't directly responsible for the fuckup, but I allowed it. Maybe I ought to just bow-out from this version before the curtain call is cancelled by the hook.