Heartache and The Renegade Wheat Ale

I have been here before. The cloud of cigarette smoke swirling around my head, Emily Haines purring over the speakers and the rhythmic clicking of buttons as my fingers enter words to describe the emotions racing through my head.
Heartbroken, head spinning, stomach turning, eyes swollen and red from uncontrollable tears and a mind full of memories I am trying to forget.
It's hard to imagine how it all went wrong, but one thing is for sure, I will NEVER date younger again.

The issues ranged from one of us being hyper dependent, emotionally unstable, afraid of commitment, full of darkness and unable to communicate to jealousy.

There were no angry words as I returned keys to that dingy and dark downtown dwelling. There were no real words at all, actually. Just a series of suspicious sighs that seemed to be something he wanted to say desperately being held back.


All photos have been deleted, the 'like' notes have been burned, and rest of "his stuff" is in box, waiting to find out how it will be delivered to the defendant.
The search for an empty box ended up bringing me a lot of clarity and a beer, so things are looking up.

As I was looking for a box to put the remainders in and was starting at an empty case of beer from last night's celebration of who I am, and who he thought I was. Would only myself and Christopher find it hilarious to send the remaining articles of screaming insecurity encased in a yellow beer box? Distracted, decided instead to collect the empty bottles (a really fun problem solving challenge and easy enough to accomplish to restore self-esteem). I had collected 11 bottles, and was quite positive that we had polished off before I turned to the whiskey and vodka. This renegade beer bottle had induced a substantial panic attack (had I lost control of everything?) I gave up, and decided that a glass of water would calm my nerves, I opened the fridge door, and there it was, between the mustard and vinaigrette, a full bottle of grasshopper.

Finding a full bottle during a search for empties is not uncommon. However, finding an unopened bottle in the refrigerator is a motherfucking miracle!


Moments of Clarity:
1) There wasn't as much stuff here of his as I remembered there being before. Flashback to last week when he was barely noticed by me collecting all of his dvds. Those kind of details that you only recall after the fact. Hmm, that should have been suspicious.

2) Fuck, I thought I was having a stressful day. Imagine all those poor bastards down at the stompin' grounds of Stampede scurrying for shelter. Interesting how the animals weren't allowed to pay for a ticket to that new rodeo event.

3) All panic attacks are best treated with an ice cold beer, I don't think I will be winning an Eddie for that concept.