Recharging

I am currently charging the redhead's macbook, my ipod, and the blackberry. All at once these three things required some attention and power. I decided that I ought to take the opprotunity to recharge my battery aswell. Tonight I traded in the nightcap for a pot of sleepytime tea. I visited with my family, went for a ride on the bicycle, actually stopped to smell the lilacs, and caught up with friend.

I am trying to find a way to make life simpler, and I expect that in less than a few weeks that opprotunity will present itself.

if you really knew me...

You'd know:
*I can never fall asleep wearing socks
*I have a way about me that ensures I can become the center of attention
*My larger than life schemes always have a way of working out
*I am often overwhelmed by decision making
*I have a history insomnia
*I am secretly happy we aren't bunny-sitting for Evan
*The state of my room tends to dictate the state of my finances and relationships.
*I wake up every morning ready to clean
*I try to walk my talk as best as I can
*Nothing makes me laugh harder than my family and their "unique ways."
*I am usually on edge when I ought to be calm
*I often forget to the think before I speak.
*you could offer me a joint at any hour of the day
*i am starting to allow room for every emotion
*iam learning to give second and sometimes even third chances

getting married and having babies...

Lately Facebook has been hopping with people announcing their pregnancies.
It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have to include pictures of the growing baby belly.... I don't really care about the stretch marks you are volunteering for, also, is it just going to hit a point where they are going to start streaming the night of passion that lead to said semen infection?
I guess I am perhaps too selfish (read fucked up) to appreciate people hitting all the spaces on the board of the game of life. I remember playing that game with my family as a child. It never made sense to me, it all seemed so boring.
Graduate high school, go to college, find a career, get a wife, have some babies and retire.
It was so predictable. I don't remember ever feeling like I would ever be able to model my life after any of that.
I often wondered what kind of people get excited about checking off those moments that society teaches us to be 'milestones.'

have your cake and eat it too.

Yesterday provided me with a potpourri of emotions.
I met the kid for some afternoon wine in the park, and it was beautiful. The sun was shining, the warm wind was perfect and we were toasting over a fine bottle of Spain.

Later in the evening I met with my mother and we made our way down to the Fleetwood Mac concert. She was crazy excited, and I was stoned. Amazingly enough our seats were already perfect, then we got rushed to the front of the stage, the show was awesome, and Stevie still has the voice. I perhaps inhaled far too much marijuana smoke during the show, and subsequently still feel groggy. I should have went home right after the concert and curled up with a pizza.

Instead, I made a bad decision and went to see the kid post-concert, and I think I am suffering every possible punishment.
He asked me how I was going to react when Oatmeal returns from overseas, and suggested that I would get really needy and jealous. Truth is, I already was.

the delicate art of flippy cup

My mother said I look like someone took a cheese-grader to the side of my head and ear. The artists think I was trying to imitate Van Gogh. The jocks are comparing it to Ivander Holyfield, The bloggers are speculating about possible abuse a la Rhianna, and the writers know full well that I was hammered, yet again.
I went the a 70's themed fondue party lastnight, and it was lovely.

I really like being in the situation of not knowing anyone in a house full of people. These are simple sentences.
Hindsight is 20/20, I should not have drank a six-pack of cider before indulging in copious amounts of red wine.
The last thing I remember before running into the side of a garage with my face, was feeling dizzy. I didn't expect the situation to get to that point, I will say for the record that I had full intentions of behaving at this party. I didn't cuss anyone out, though I wanted to. I didn't scream at Chris when he threw a glass of white wine at me-and i wanted to. I didn't take out any frustrations on the kid, or even on his ridiculous roommate and his questions.

I did however decide that it was not only a good idea to participate in an impromptu game beer pong, but also substituted the beer for wine. After losing pathetically at wine pong, I decided to take it an extra step.... enter the worst idea ever-flippy cup.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flip_cup <-- for those of you unfamiliar.

I don't remember trying any fondue, I don't remember any names of the people that I met.
Luckily Chris was there and was able to recall the events. Apparently there were a lot of things that went unnoticed by me.

1) One of the kid's ex girlfriends was there, dressed in red. Evidently Chris thought she was being rude by flipping through a collection of cds and dvds. He accused her of being a thief... nice.

2) When the kid came into the garage to see if was dead, his brother was asking everyone around the fire "Do I really want to know what's going on in there?"

3) I spent a portion of the evening referring to a "little person" as a nugget and Cheuy.

I remember when the kid's dick-head roommate found it appropriate to bust out drinking games at a fondue party,
I remember deciding to hijack the situation, filling cups with red wine.
I remember being in the backyard and feeling dizzy....
The last real memory was stummbling hard to the left and planting my face into the side of a stucco garage, apparently the mixture of rock and glass does NOT make for a soft landing.

waiting for the train.

Standing on the cement platform, anxiously awaiting the coming headlights gliding down seventh avenue.
As the train nears the station, a million little emotions course through my veins.
I feel nervous, calm and ignorant at all once. My palms get sweaty, and cotton mouth sets in.
The thumping of my heart, deafening. My collar starts to feel tighter and it gets a little harder to breathe.
I step back from the yellow line, just as it arrives, and cars full of poems disguised as people rush past my nose.
The doors open, I feel your lips against mine-and the anxiety ceases, you board the train.
How I envy your ignorance, I hear that it's bliss.

thoughts @ 420 part II

I enjoy the smell of fresh cut grass, lilacs and the air right before it starts to rain. This city has been providing me with these sensual aromas for the past few weeks, and for that I am thankful.
I can feel my time here, in this crazy redneck city coming to an end, and I am starting to wonder where I will head next.
Originally the plan was Europe. I started to lose interest when I realized that I would be breathing in one musky smell across the pond that should remain as a memory of being here.
The kid.
Last night was another (mis?) adventure in yum yum delirium, but this time it wasn't my own psychosis on the line.
Sitting directly beside someone who has been dangling the carrot infront of my face for over six months, and hearing the thoughts falling out of his mouth, I started to feel pretty bad for him, not the usual sympathy-this time empathy played a starring role.
I remember a few years ago when I felt completely lost, confused and like I had to man-up in order to be taken seriously.
I crawled out of that shell of an excuse and realized that I had to stop trying to prove myself, and that it was enough to look around at the things that I had in my life already. Once I learned to not take everything for granted, things seemed to be not so stressful.
I hope that I can influence some sort of boost in esteem for this latest victim of post-teenaged angst.

Now that Europe has been temporarily put on back-burner, I am full of possible destinations.
A big part of me wants to go back to Los Angeles, but each time I consider that as an option some beautiful memory creeps up and brings me right back to reality.

I have been stressing out over the most ridiculous things for several weeks, and today I have decided to take my own advice (for once), and stop and take inventory of the things that I actually do have going on for and around me.

Hope my discoveries aren't too terrifying.
Another brick removed from the wall seperating me from the others.