Why does the forbidden fruit always taste the sweetest?
It is a question I have been asking myself for as long as I can remember. I have never been happy with things 'as is', I choose to instead pine for things that are unobtainable.
I wish this was just the case with possessions.
Sadly, it is the same when it comes to my romantic life-I am never happy when things are easy.
It hit me tonight at work, when I saw a very attractive gay couple. I instinctively wanted to destroy them. Not because I was jealous of their relationship, I couldn't care less about that. What really mattered was the fact that the one guy became so much more attractive because he was unavailable.
True, he was good looking regardless, but somehow his smile seemed brighter, his body looked hotter, and his style evoked so much energy-because he was off the market.
Looking back over the years, and all of the boys (and girls) that I fell for, they all have one thing in common-a significant other.
And I wonder why I am so frustrated when it comes to affairs of the heart. How can I even begin to feel sorry for myself?
I have never went after someone who was looking for a relationship, I instead choose to be attracted to those who are disinterested, unavailable or worse- in a committed relationship.
I can go from being so cold and callous to being the most flirtatious boy in the room, when the object of my desire is the forbidden fruit.
2 comments:
Well friend,
I would be lying if I said that I have no idea what you are talking about. There is something appealing about the forbidden fruit, the unobtainable. I do this in so many aspects in my life from a out of stock sale item at a store that leaves me driving across the city, or to strathmore, to have it in my possession(even though I really do not need the item) to friendships to romantic interests. I once had a very good friend who I don't value enough say to me, "Why do you waste your time on friends that treat you like shit when there are people in your life, like me, that really just want to love you and build into your life?" It was a great and somewhat painful question to be asked. If I have to put great work or effort into something it seems I put more value into it. Love freely given is hard for me to accept. Maybe it is hard because I feel I must earn it and must prove to myself, and to others, that I am worthy of it. I know there is a great personal slap on the back when I can obtain a friendship, or maybe even a material possession, that was hard to get. It is almost as if I say to myself, "Yes, that is right I am the shit and I have obtained the unattainable." Then I place a piece of my worth in the unattainable object(person or thing) that I now have in my possession. And then when I lose that possession a piece of my personal worth is shattered and I am left wondering, "Am I not worthy of something as great as this?" Truth be told it is probably the unobtainable object that was not worthy of me and who I truly am. I hold onto painful relationships as if holding onto a hot coal for the sake and hope of asking for proper validation for who I am. Sometimes it does not come and I am left saying "What the fuck!"
Ryan, this is a great blog entry. One worthy of a good conversation. Also, worthy of further contemplation on your part for the universal truth it conveys. You need to include more of this in your writing! You are a great!
AMEN!
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