after a year like this one

After a year like this one
I'm surprised I do not hate your guts
And after a year like this one
I'm surprised I still love music just as much
After a year like this one
I'm surprised I did not eat my young
After a year like this one
I'm sorry if I'm not cordial to everyone
After a year like this one
I'm surprised I'm convinced at all
And after a year like this one
I do not roll my eyes at the synagogue
After a year like this one
I can't help but wonder how they've been
And after a year like this one
I think I'll lease it all to my next of kin
After a year like this one
I'm surprised we're not all bleeping drunks
And after I realized this one
I want you to choose the restaurant
And after a year like this one
I'll need a good whole sixteen months alone
After a year like this one
I think I'll make the west coast beaches my new home

SECOND TO nONE

I didn't want it to be over, but I knew it was. The sound of his voice, the smell of his skin, late night adventures around the neighbourhood, moments by candlelight had all been halted.

Maybe I will someday find someone who appreciates my desire to build a life together, who won't bounce at the sign of trouble and understand the basic foundation of a relationship, and it kills me that this person isn't you. A resident of reality who understands the power of emotions and knows what meeting halfway means. Perhaps, one day you will be able to reintroduce yourself. Maybe you will become a tax paying, vote casting member of society who says "hello" to passersby on a sunny afternoon stroll. Good luck with your studies, don't give up on that too. Take your time with your baby steps, just don't be surprised when it feels impossible to "catch up" on other things.

Sometimes, it just is.


I'll miss ya mister.

turkey day reflections

I didn't have the usual turkey dinner this year. Though, on the drive back to my place with my mother, an exhausted positive outlook and a deli chicken I thought it was just as good. The separation on the parental units is still something chipping away at me when I stop worrying about something else.

Every one's away for the weekend;the artist is up north visiting family and the starlet is spending the long weekend on the island with her kid sister. Mr Brooks returns from Peru tomorrow at some point, and the boyfriend, well it's hard to really know where he is.

Distance has a funny way of showing up when I least need it.

I have started looking around at apartments back down in the core, excited to once again start fresh. Three years in this house, and I had a lot to be thankful for. The parties, all of them. Hollywood, Studio 54, Hero's & Villains, and the Emergency Room. The various roommates with handfuls of compassion, hilarity and annoyances. All of the big family dinners, with a sense of purpose and expression. The late night bottles of wine and a joint. The moonlit adventures in the surrounding playground. All of it... all of these things. It was an era, but I am ready to slow it down, back to the fundamentals for me.

Still, I would have fancied a piece of homemade pumpkin pie.

for all the sheep i quit counting...

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Some days felt like the whole world was on my case. My dreams were suspended, and it was as though I had forgotten all that I had made of myself.
Bouncing between uncertain reality, fantasy and a list of what ifs--I was a mess.
When you start to boil yourself down, it can quicky turn into a downward self-depricating swirl down the drain. I exhausted myself, and was on the verge of a total self destruction. I recognized all of the signs, I had been there before.

Fuck You Rev O

Well, well.
If the saint of the modern day collesium hasn't struck again.

This time she and John Travolta closet case are abducting three-hundred people to Austraila (the country of convicts).
With only one season left to infiltrate every living room in North America with "The Oprah Winfrey Show", the cult leader of Harpo Productions is surely pulling out all the stops.

If being President Obama's backbone wasn't enough, now she is attempting to be an international ambassador... just waiting for the crazy bitch to announce her intentions to become the first female president of the America. Expect it.

if you really knew me 6.0

If you really knew me, you'd know;

-I don't enjoy scary movies, but have cringed and closed my eyes to appease the mister.

-I am once again in the middle of a big change.

-I often wonder if my house is haunted.

-I drink eight glasses of water a day. (still from the water bottle that came to me by way of a moonlight requisition at a reception)

-I am planning a chili cook off against the roomie. (she has no idea)

-I am wondering what's next?

-I recently visited Vancouver Island and fell in love. (again)

-I have come to terms that I really have no idea why I am here. (in front of this computer, in Calgary, in Canada, on this planet)

-I wonder if the marijuana has anything to do with my panic

-I have learned how to rebuild my own computer (thanks to a partner in crime)

-I feel like feeding my appetite for vengeance.

-I recognize the tenancy of that requiring an "I do what I want" campaign, and promise to tone it down.

-I am used to being told to tone it down about one thing of another.

-I often wonder about a lot of people lately, and feel a letter writing storm on the horizon.

-I am currently more concerned with who will show up at the VMAs this year than who will be voted the next mayor of this godforsaken city.

-Last night, I had a terrifying dream involving a mermaid, being forced to quit smoking and a burlesque girl.

The breakup

After dealing with one of the dumbest, most senseless, insecure excuse for a woman for six months; it's over. To say I was asked to leave would be a lie, the hatred was immediate and thoughts of vengeance raced through my mind hours prior. The relationship had soured sometime in May. Could it be explained by her inability to listen? She stopped returning phone calls and texts, ignoring emails and disappearing before I arrived. She is a manipulative liar; her twelve years my senior left a dozen birthday wishes for her to finally lose her conscience. I guess at 38, the wish came true.

The starlet once told me "even if you can see the train coming, it still hurts when it hits ya"; and she was right.

I knew for a few months that there was a case being built against me. I had already come to terms with fact that she wanted more control and I was in her way. Her motives were obvious, ever since she was caught hiding facts about the sale of the business. Her lies were spread around the room combined with fake smiles, less than charming words of support and backstabbing manipulations. She had everything that she wanted, but she needed more. Inept decisions, emotionally driven desperate grasps at success and a very obvious premature midlife crisis were her legacy thus far.

In any case, it stung; it really did. I left for vacation the morning after the axe, and pushed aside the feeling of banishment. I have just begun to look back on it all, knowing I should look forward.

So, what's next Mr. Duncan? What's next...